WHOA! It's okay to be single.
Photographer: @Edwinttan
There's nothing quite the holidays to be reminded of how single you are. It's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but leave it to your family to make things awkward by questioning your life decisions because you don't have a ring on your finger.
A few months ago, I attended a friend's wedding alone. It didn't bother me at all that I didn't have a date. I didn't think anything of it. I was surrounded by amazing friends, what else did I need? However, everyone else seemed to notice that I was alone. A few people asked why I was single? To be honest, it's none of their business. But I felt compelled to explain myself and why I was single (I'm busy, focused on work, dating apps are awful, guys in Chicago are (fill in the blank), ect.) They somehow felt compelled to comfort me and say things like, "you'll find someone" or "you'll be okay" "your time will come" or "it'll happen, don't stress". That's when I just put on an awkward smile, thanked them, and walked away.
I just don't get why being single equates to being sad? Now, what is sad, are people who are stuck in unhappy dead end relationships or rush from one to the next without much time for reflection and healing in between ...because they are afraid of being alone.
A lot of the things I post are about dating. Some of the comments found on those posts are sweet messages of encouragement that I will find love. Don't get me wrong dating sucks but being single doesn't have to. Most of the time I post about being single is to make light about the situation. Just because you're physically alone doesn't mean you have to feel alone.
Here's a powerful thought...IT’S OKAY TO BE SINGLE.
My friend has a great career, finished her MBA and went back to her Alma Mater for an event. Someone asked her how everything was going, her job, MBA, ect. Then they asked if she was married or had any kids, she said no and the whole mood changed. Things got a little awkward and they said to her, "ohhh well, it'll be okay." Why all of a sudden everything else she accomplished was minimized due to the fact she was single? Of course, she'll be okay!
There's this fear of never finding true love or having the family we all grew up dreaming of. This feeling isn't natural, there are outside influences that make singleness, for women in particular, dreadful. There are tons of movies on love, finding that special someone, or being "lucky" enough to be "chosen". Shows like "The Bachelor" is prime example of societal norms where 30 women fight for the attention of 1 man, hoping to get an engagement ring at the end it. There was a time a girl cried her eyes out when she didn't get "picked" and didn't receive a rose. She cried out, "What did I do wrong? Why am I not enough?" This moment made me truly upset that she honestly felt unworthy because a man she barely knew didn't choose her. I wish more women would realize the power they have inside themselves to be self-sufficient. That happiness doesn't need to be tied to a person or thing. What if he wasn't even good enough for you?
There's this misconception that if you're of a certain age and single, that something must be wrong with you. I've heard many convos where a woman who seems to "have it all" is picked apart once people found out she was single. Comments like, she "must be crazy", or "something has to be wrong with her" are common thoughts. That's such a flawed way of thinking. In case you didn't know, there are women out here choosing. Women who could get married at the drop of a hat, but would rather take her time and focus on completing her own wholeness, or wait until she finds the one her soul adores, instead of trying to keep up with society's timeline.
It makes me sad to hear women discuss their singleness like it's a curse. If treated well, it is an amazing time for self-reflection, discovery, and refinement.
It took me a long time to find peace in my journey. I found myself upset when things didn't workout with someone. But when I started focusing on myself and my goals, I realized my worth.
Knowing what you bring to the table will keep you from settling for crumbs.
I spent much time figuring out what makes me happy and knowing that if I were to meet someone to spend my life with, then that happiness will not be dependent but instead amplified.
So if you are single or currently in a relationship, just know that singleness shouldn't be a sad or scary experience. It actually can be an invigorating and empowering one. It's up to you to manage your mind and thoughts on how to truly change the narrative. No matter what your relationship status is, make sure it involves happiness.